A woman who chooses adoption for her unborn baby is courageous and truly selfless. She is putting her child first, above her own situation. Adoption is one of the most difficult decisions a woman will ever make, but there is satisfaction in knowing it was the right choice for her and her child.
If you have discovered you’re unexpectedly pregnant, it’s important to consider all of your options. Parenting your child or making an adoption plan are two of your choices. Both may seem overwhelming, but if you are not in a place to raise your baby because of your age or a difficult home environment, adoption is an excellent choice.
Choosing adoption doesn’t mean you are no longer a mother. For your child, adoption is a lifelong relationship with his or her adoptive family, but you will always be a part of their adoption story.
The three different adoption plans are open, closed, and semi-open. With either an open or semi-open plan, you would exchange a certain amount of identifying information. You would also have contact between yourself, the adoptive family, and possibly your child.
Making a closed adoption plan
To make an adoption plan, you need to choose a qualified adoption specialist or an agency to work with. A reputable agency will never ask you to pay for placing your child. All of their services should be completely free for you.
As the birth mother, you decide the level of contact with your child and the adoptive family you’re comfortable with. If you would like to stay completely anonymous, you would choose a closed adoption or what’s also known as a confidential adoption.
With this plan, your lawyer, adoption specialist, or agency staff member would look for adoptive families also interested in a closed adoption. You would be shown their adoption profiles but wouldn’t receive any identifying information. In return, they won’t know any identifying information about you either.
The pros of a closed adoption
For some women, staying anonymous through a closed adoption is more comforting than the other choices. Here are pros to choosing a closed adoption:
- Emotional closure – if you feel ongoing contact won’t help you bring closure to this part of your life, choosing a closed adoption is best.
- Privacy – there are reasons to keep your pregnancy and subsequent adoption a secret if you are in a toxic or dangerous relationship
- Not having to maintain a relationship with the adoptive family – life gets busy and keeping up your relationship with another family requires work, communication, and patience
The cons of a closed adoption
At one time, closed adoptions were all that was offered to a birth mother. Both the birth mother and the adopted child spent their years wondering about each other. Here are cons to choosing a closed adoption:
- Not knowing the outcome of your choice – many women find peace knowing their child is being raised by a loving family
- No communication – without some contact, you don’t have the opportunity to build a relationship with your child and their family
- Lack of information for the adoptive family – whether it’s medical or family history, having information helps the adoptive family and your child
Is a closed adoption right for you?
Today, with the arrival of home DNA testing and social media, it’s harder to keep an adoption completely closed. You are the only one who knows your situation. Talk with a peer consultant at True Care about your options. We’ll give you referrals for adoption agencies where you can learn about each adoption plan.